Everything feels far away except for my best friend
Fall, junior year. Science fiction, we press our sweaty backs together on the bus to practice. I am tearing my lip up thinking above the noise. I remember this all from last year, from the year before that, but everything feels vulnerable and new. Everything has come to an end. Everything is being born.
Fall, junior year in my backyard, a pile of warm bodies I am crying and the tears run down my face and into my hair but only for a minute. We are safe here. Fall, junior year he is upset, she’s my best friend, he tells me. I don’t remember the context but I remember his voice, I think we’re all terrified of something and I think we’re all on the verge of finding it.
Summer, a girl in the backseat across from me. A car out past midnight. She sat staring out the window with her knees close to her chest and I knew she was far away, now I know why. She lit the bowl while I inhaled and I remembered the closeness. Science fiction, junior year, high and unholy. An iphone full of pictures. Drunk in the backyard. I don’t want to be afraid of myself. I remember the closeness and I want it back.